Friday, March 20, 2009

My "Going Away" Party

Today is the first day of spring and I had a going away party recently. I learned the hard way that I had to do something bold to sweep away the things, the people, and the energy in my life that were eroding me. My extra special guest was Tardy. You know Tardy, don't you? Always late, no time management skills, and hugely popular. Tardy bought two of her closest friends, Mai Excusis and Just T. Ficayshuns. I invited them all but gave a single condition: That they must arrive and be willing to play the surprise game that I had planned. They agreed, never being the ones to turn down a party or to be with their own kind.

When they arrived, I made them strip naked. They were anxious but willing. I think they thought that I had some men in the back, ready to do their bidding. They're kinda bold like that. So they striped naked and I looked the trio from all angles. I observed them wandering around the apartment, mindlessly waiting for company and the fun to begin. They don't know that they are coming only to be put down. Didn't feel sorry for them, though.

After a while, I gathered them around and said, very clearly: "I invited you all here today to tell you something. I want you to listen closely. All of y'all make me sick. You make me look bad, and I'm done with you. We ain't friends, we ain't cool, and you got to get the hell up out of here!"

And with that, it was over. I've been moving deliberately ever since. Amazing what happens when you make up your mind. I have not been late to anything for two weeks straight. In fact, I arrive to my appointments early. I'm thrilled!

My next going away party is for what I call my "communication debt." I'm flipping through my scraps of paper now to see who I owe a phone call to.


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